The hardest thing about camp...

..Has seriously been the staff meetings.

At these meetings, the staff totally call people out on their mistakes. It has felt like such a hate fest. A few weeks ago, I was even called out. I wasn't named but they talked about something that I did and made it clear that it was not okay. I was so crushed. I wanted that person to pull me aside and tell what I did was wrong. (Here's what happened, since I know that you are probably wondering: On the way back to the church from a field trip, I fell asleep in the back row with the other four kids I was sitting next to. We had just come from the zoo and I was wiped, but that is definitely no excuse).

After camp that day, I was so crushed about what happened. I could not understand why Miss Andrea (the driver of the van) could not have pulled me aside and told me not to fall asleep again. I felt so worthless, like there really was not reason for me to be here.

But now, a few weeks later, I understand these meetings. I used to think that even though they said it, these 'calling outs' were NOT done in love. But really that is why they are done. The staff meetings are confrontational so that everything is out on the table.

And do you want to know why I finally understand? Last night at about 11:00 at night, our team had our own meeting where we were actually real with each other. Alisha said some things that were so true. It hurt, but she was honest. And I know that it was because she loved me that she said these things. I know that now our friendship is better. Then I said some things that were bothering me. It was only a short confrontation time, but it was really eye opening.

At the beginning of camp, I really wanted to impose my way of doing things at camp, but now it has been made really clear to me that I am not right a lot of the time. These staff meetings have been here before me and they will be there after me and me wanting to change them and hating them will not make them any better for me.

Being confrontational in life is such a struggle for me. I avoid it at all costs. But now I want it to be a part of my life. I do not want to hide what I am saying because I will hurt the other person, if I love that other person, then I want to be real with that person.


Anyway, another thing that happened last night was that the high schoolers from the Grove arrived. It was so exciting to see them. It will be neat to see what God has in store for this week.